By Bucket Reviews Employee: Reid Ackerman

     I recently attended Disneyland to find information for this particular article that I am writing. When I was there, I first took a ride on Pirates of the Caribbean. May tourists that were there, experiencing the ride for the first time, asked their friends and family the question “Where is Jack Sparrow?” And to tell you the truth, I would rather murder myself than see an animatronics version Johnny Depp during the course of the ride. It is smart what Disney is doing by marketing there rides as mega motion pictures, but does it make the theme parks that originate from less amusing to visit?

     The start of the releases of all of the ride-to-film adaptations was The Country Bears. I found myself watching that with my little cousin who is five years old. I was ready to start doing push-ups out of sheer boredom when viewing it. That movie was an extreme stinker, even though I must respect the fact that it is targeted at kids ages 3-10. It is about a little bear named Beary who is adopted by a family of humans. Beary doesn’t think that he fits in with these people, because of obvious differences. So, he goes to Tennessee to find his roots and reunite a band of singing bears. Couldn’t someone write a better script than that? All the director had to work with was a live show at Disneyland about singing hillbilly bears. I did enjoy watching the on-stage performance, in which it was adapted from, but making the movie was a terrible idea, and the result of such was a terrible result.

     I first learned about Pirates of the Caribbean when I saw the teaser trailer online. A million different things were going through my mind at that time. “How could they make a movie about a ride with no plot?” was the most predominant question that I had. The ride is basically comprised of a boat taking you through a cave-type area where pirates are fighting the British, and there are skeletons in it that look really cool. The thin plot doesn’t matter, however, since rides are in no need of them. A couple months later I watched the official trailer for Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl and was completely blown away. It looked like it was going to be an old pirate movie mixed with new and better CGI and special effects. So during the summer I went to go see it. I have to say, from beginning to end, it was a perfect movie, even though Danny disgustingly objects. (Danny’s Note: I still liked it!). Johnny Depp played one of the most innovative characters that I have ever seen in a film these days. I was also impressed with how much of the ride they actually incorporated into the movie. Gore Verbinski did a great job bringing the ride to the life.

     My all-time favorite ride at Disneyland is The Haunted Mansion. I love how visually impressive and surprising it is each time you visit it. It feels real when you’re on it, and this is what continues to amaze me. Ever since I first rode it when I was five, I’ve been hooked. I even have a poster from the ride of the three hitchhiking ghosts in my room. When I heard a movie that was based upon it was going to come out, I felt as though my prayers had been answered. When I finally got to seeing it, I came out of the theater with a huge frown on my face. I was thinking of how much I hated Rob Minkoff. (Danny’s note: Rob Minkoff did a good job!) The Haunted Mansion could have been perfect if it was done this way: Ronny Yu directed it, the rating was PG-13, it had a different story line, there was more ghosts, there was more action, replace Eddie Murphy with Sean Connery, and getting rid of that terrible actress Marsha Thompson. She almost ruined the entire film with her terrible acting “talents.” I could’ve done better cross-dressing. (Danny’s note: true about Marsha Thompson but wrong about the rest). I have to say, though, that I loved the scene where Eddie Murphy and the children are in the carriage, and traveling through the graveyard of the mansion that’s full of ghosts. It makes you feel as if you’re going through the ride. But, one scene doesn’t make a movie great.

     As you can see, there have been good Disney-attraction-based films and there have been some disastrous ones. Let’s just hope they stop making them now, to ensure the sanity of moviegoers everywhere.

Back To Home
Back To The Exclusives Page