I
understand that most children favor rudeness and crudeness over intelligence
and wittiness when it comes to comedy, but movies like Are We There Yet?
really make me wonder about what society is trying to teach the future
adults of the world about tasteful humor. Watching this filthy film, one
question constantly popped up in my mind: Are there actually kids out there
that enjoy watching ninety minutes of nasty things happening to annoying
people? Clearly, as most of the audience members at the screening of Are
We There Yet? that I attended laughed at the brutal slapstick, during
every waking minute of the picture’s entire duration. I simply sat with my
eyes and ears open, hoping that I would soon find out that their chuckles
were actually a part of some kind of new laugh-track technology, which
featured a built-in audience.
No one would’a thunk that Ice Cube was a capable
actor until he proved his abilities worthy in 2002’s Barbershop. The
trick to the success of that film (and its sequel) was that he played a warm
and amiable protagonist. In Are We There Yet?, his character, Nick
Persons, is the polar opposite of Calvin the Barber. Nick is the
materialistic and stuck-up owner of a sports-memorabilia store, who, one
day, takes notice of the attractive Suzanne Kingston (Nia Long), who works
across the street from him. When he is about to ask her out on a date, he
discovers that she has kids, his worst nightmare. She instantly becomes less
appealing to him, because of this.
One night, when driving home from work, Nick spots
Suzanne on the side of the road, in the rain, after her car apparently
breaks down. His first inclination is to speed up to make sure that he is
not overwhelmed by his own temptations, but he decides against it, and helps
her out by giving her a ride home. Sparks fly between the two, and after
about a dozen more times of driving her to work and back, Nick decides to
break his rule of never dating women with children. He gets much more than
he bargains for, in doing so, however. Before long, in order to win over her
affection, he finds himself driving Suzanne’s two kids—both of whom happen
to be vehemently against their mother dating and are willing to do anything
to stop such from happening—on a road-trip from Portland, Oregon to Vancover,
Canada.
The two little runts in the movie are played by
Philip Bolden and Aleisha Allen, in two of the most annoying performances in
the history of the cinema. In order to discourage Nick from dating their
mother, they do anything and everything they can think of in hopes of
scaring him off. The two execute plans which involve kicking their driver in
the balls, making him jump off of a moving train, vomiting on his car’s
windshield so that he is blinded and cannot see when he is accelerating off
of a cliff—you name it and they do it in this movie. Sure, Nick might not be
a nice guy, but the treatment that he receives is nowhere near justifiable.
What it is, however, is irritating, mean-spirited, and, more than anything
else, painful for all rational viewers to watch.
The concept of Are We There Yet?, alone, is
enough for me to discourage parents from taking their kids to go see it. How
ever could the idiotic characters influence a child in a positive way? Not
to mention, there are several scenes in the movie which feature Nick’s
prized bobble-head-doll, which has conversations with him and tells him to
harm his two passengers and take advantage of their mother. How could the
MPAA possibly rate Are We There Yet? PG after slapping a PG-13 onto
an innocent and good-natured picture like Whale Rider? The only
reason I can think of is that they have done so in attempts to support the
seemingly desperate need of many parents to preoccupy their children with a
movie for an hour and a half. I’ll tell you what: If you, the reader, ever
find yourself in such a position, I will personally come over and baby-sit
your kids, instead. An adult’s relaxation is not worth a kid’s mind being
corrupted by the foul sense of humor that belongs to Are We There Yet?
-Danny, Bucket Reviews
(Posted in 12.28.2004-2.5.2005 Update)
Back to Home
The Bucket Review's
Rating Scale