Federal Protection /
Rated: R |
Starring: Armand Assante, Angela
Featherstone, Dina Meyer, David Lipper, Tony Calabretta
Directed by: Anthony Hickox
Written by: Craig Smith
Released Direct to Video
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When I
see a movie like this I always ask myself: "What was the point?" The
truth is there wasn't one whatsoever. This film was just a big blur
of information about the mob and the mafia, with no real plot. I
found myself looking at my watch after each and every minute of this
abominable creation, waiting for it to end. I can still admire a
film with makers who try, but come out short, but I can't do that
here. This movie was more worse than the years worst; it was like
living in hell ahead of time.
Once upon a time in a land where everyone is horrified of the
mob, things are totally screwed up. There are bad relationships
where sisters even swap off husbands. But they all have one thing in
common, everyone just wants undivided sex. Come on! It's like
watching a R-Rated fairy-tale.
Federal Protection was so bad I would've killed myself
if I known it would've been comparable to a nuclear bomb hitting the
world and killing everyone!
Just to give you an idea how bad this movie was, if someone
paid me one-million dollars I wouldn't suffer its horrible
hour-and-thirty-four-minute exercise in torture again. I know, you
get it, it's getting to the point now that I'd rather watch Jello
all day (I probably would). I don't think I've seen one film as bad
as this in my lifetime. I bet one question poses in your mind right
now: were there any good qualities in the movie? The answer is no.
But, there was one small thing I did like in Federal Protection,
and that was be the music. It set the whole mood for this disastrous
disgrace to filmmaking perfectly, I never knew they could pick such
talentless artists for a soundtrack. Filmmakers: you out did
yourselves this time!
I could go on all day comparing this movie to the Nazi's and
other things, but I think you get the picture; never in your life
will you need to see Federal Protection. It was just a stupid
excuse for a film about sluts trying to trick their lawyers and vice
versa. Federal Protection is a tacky, cheap, predictable,
undeserving, stupid film that should be banned from the earth
because it is so bad. Promise me that you will never see it in your
life!
-Danny, Bucket Reviews
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