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I saw Aliens
vs. Predator: Requiem on the day after Christmas, for no
other reason than that I felt that it was my critical duty to
review it. As far as I was concerned, this installment in the
newly-formed series would be, like its predecessor, a
mega-success that any reliable journalist would want to cover.
But then the unthinkable happened. After a decent opening gross
on Christmas Day, the film’s box-office numbers tanked
dramatically. I refrained from reviewing it for the remainder of
the week, just to see what would happen. After ten days in
theatres, Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem can officially be
considered a dud, with only $32 million of box office in the
till and little to come. (The budget, by comparison, was
probably around $75 million.) Take that 20th
Century Fox! The American Public has dutifully proven to you
that, if offered a crapfest that merely cashes-in on the name of
a popular franchise (or, in this case, two of them), it will
reject said crapfest! I have chosen to review Aliens vs.
Predator: Requiem now, only to reinforce the common
consensus that it is, without question, a godawful motion
picture.
Much as I
disliked Paul W.S. Anderson’s Alien vs. Predator, I must
admit that its Antarctic setting and attractive lead actress,
Sanaa Lathan, at least made for a good first act. (Once the
action took off and the aliens and predators became involved in
the story, however, things quickly fell downhill regardless.)
This second film in the franchise is directed by the Strause
Brothers (who, despite the cocky title, have only previously
worked on visual effects teams and never directed anything of
substance themselves) and is even worse than its predecessor.
The drop in quality isn’t so much related to the action that
dominates the film’s second-half, but the fact it is impossible
to sympathize for any of the characters. Why should I care about
these people getting torn to shreds by aliens and predators if I
don’t even like them, even in a trivial sense? Before the title
villains show up, the movie is a complete high-school
soap-opera, with ex-con Dallas (Steven Pasquale) coming to terms
with his bullied young brother Ricky (Johnny Lewis). The set-up
feels all too much like the result of incompetent screenwriter
Shane Salerno duplicating the plot of an episode of “Saved By
the Bell” and attempting to make it dramatic.
Sooner than
later, of course, the aliens and the predators show up, in what
the first film informed us was a centuries-long struggle between
the two extraterrestrial races. What’s peculiar about this is
that the two species of villains never really seem to be
fighting each other in this movie. All of their violent behavior
is directed at the human characters that live the Colorado town
where they have chosen to fight. (For this reason, I suggest
that, if a third film in the series somehow gets made, it is
provided the much more accurate title Aliens and Predators
vs. Humans.) Then again, perhaps I missed the point of the
exercise somewhere in all of the incomprehensibly-staged
action-sequences, which make it nearly-impossible for the viewer
to figure out what’s going on. To their credit, the Strause
Brothers make some improvements on the in-your-face-‘til-you-can’t-take-it-anymore
approach to fight-scenes utilized by Anderson’s first film, but
not enough to make a marked difference. If either group of
villains reigned victorious at some point in Aliens vs.
Predator: Requiem, then my shaken-sensibilities must’ve
missed it.
But, again,
Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem represents more of a reason to
be hopeful than it does a reason to fret. Unless the movie finds
an unexpectedly gigantic audience in foreign markets, there
won’t be another installment in the franchise released in
theatres. (A straight-to-DVD sequel, however, seems
unfortunately inevitable.) Hopefully, this failure will work to
set a tone in Hollywood that is less accepting of
name-recognition-based cash-ins like this one. Maybe even the
Halloween series will soon see the End of the Road? Well,
perhaps I shouldn’t get too far ahead of myself…
-Danny Baldwin,
Bucket Reviews
Review Published
on: 1.4.2008
Screened on:
12.26.2007 at the Regal Escondido 16 in Escondido, CA.
Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem is rated
PG-13 and runs 100 minutes.
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