First off, let
me begin by stating the obvious: Teeth’s premise—which
basically involves the horrors inflicted by a vagina with
teeth—would’ve made for a great, corny five-minute movie.
Unfortunately, writer/director Mitchell Lichtenstein decided
that, instead of making a hammy short, he would complicate the
subject and stretch it out into an eighty-eight-minute feature.
The central problem with this is that Lichtenstein, rather than
merely using filler to move the film’s plot along, actually
attempts to make Teeth a commentary on teenage life,
repressed female sexuality, and the darkness of the male mind.
The result is, of course, nothing but a piece of film-school-esque
trash, one that squeals of self-indulgence far more than it does
of inspiration. In exploring the psyche of double-fanged
protagonist Dawn (a laughably serious Jess Weixler),
Lichtenstein only finds half-baked themes that muddle the
riotousness of his film’s central gimmick. In fact, that he
explores the material so gravely and self-importantly makes it
feel mean-spirited and borderline-offensive when the moment
comes for male-sexual organs to be chomped off. By the time the
picture’s credits role, viewers will have learned just one
thing: vaginal teeth are only good for throwing popcorn and
howling at, not for contemplating the nuances of human-nature
1.17.2008 at the Landmark in West Los Angeles, CA.
Teeth is rated R and runs 87 minutes.
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