Is there really any legitimate reason for me to be
reviewing What Happens in Vegas? In truth, there is
probably only one: that this write-up will garner significant
readership because the movie will rake in a healthy gross at the
box-office.
The fact of the matter is that no
negative review of the movie will discourage any potential
viewer from seeing it (nor would a positive one encourage many
of those already not interested to check it out). As a result,
to review What Happens in Vegas seems a bit of a useless
task. The studio, 20th Century Fox, has intentionally
made barely any mention of what the film is about in its
promotional materials—merely touting a “Cameron vs.
Ashton”-angle (referring to Diaz and Kutcher, of course) on
billboards and bus-posters—and for good reason. Everybody that
flocks to see What Happens in Vegas this weekend will do
so only because they like its two leads. That the moronic plot
involves the two getting married in a drunken night-on-the-town
flurry across Las Vegas will not be of anyone’s concern. The
picture has a built-in audience.
Indeed, What Happens in Vegas
is very much “The Cameron and Ashton Show”, and the viewer’s
enjoyment of the film will likely reflect how appealing that
idea sounds to them. For the most part, Kutcher and Diaz are
free to do whatever they want here so long as it exists within
the script’s loose plot-mold. After getting married for reasons
only explained by inebriation, his Jack wins the $3 million
jackpot on a slot-machine with her Joy’s quarter. A debate over
the cash ensues, as does one over the marriage, with a Dennis
Miller-played judge freezing the green away in a bank until Jack
and Joy put forth a legitimate six-month-effort to work their
newfound civil union out.
So Jack and Joy, very much opposed to
the idea of bonding but eager to claim their fair share of the
$3 million, spend six months in each other’s company, regularly
attending sessions of therapy (with none other than Queen
Latifah, of course!) scheduled at the court’s order. Kutcher and
Diaz pout and speak rapidly about how excruciating the other is
for the film’s entire second act. And, rather predictably, the
exercise becomes unbearable for those who are not mega-fans of
either star. I like both Kutcher and Diaz for what their limited
talents are worth, but the complete self-indulgence that they
both exercise here in representing the conflict between Jack and
Joy is inexcusable: they are playing hammed-up versions of
themselves, not written characters.
With that all being said, What
Happens in Vegas actually makes something of a pleasant
turnaround in its final act. As expected, Jack and Joy begin to
develop an actual relationship after being forced to spend so
much time together. Minute by minute—and not without the help of
a substantial helping of movie magic—they fall in love and begin
to act like a real married couple. (Ohmygod, right!?) Against
all odds, this is the best part of the movie. Despite the leads’
tendency to totally overplay the movie’s internal conflicts,
they show an uncanny ability to make the ultimate romance
achieved—ironically the most unrealistic thing about the
movie—feel authentic. The story-thread is entirely welcome
amidst the film’s disastrous whole and, I admit, I fell for Diaz
and Kutcher’s more relaxed, less showy approach to the passages
that it involved.
Regardless of its unexpectedly strong
last-minute comeback, however, What Happens in Vegas
remains utterly inept on the whole by the time the credits roll.
Jack and Joy’s well-executed romance ultimately only allows the
movie to exist as a mere failure rather than as a Herculean
disaster. I’m not speaking hyperbolically when I claim that,
given its godawful first hour, What Happens in Vegas’
final act would’ve practically had to have rivaled that of
Citizen Kane for the film to have earned my wholehearted
recommendation in the end.
-Danny Baldwin, Bucket Reviews
Review Published on: 5.7.2008
Screened on: 5.3.2008 at the Pacific Glendale 18 in
Glendale, CA.
