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2004: The Year in
Film
By: Daniel Leonhard
Last year, I posted my
picks for the best and worst ten movies of 2003. While 2003 did have some very
enjoyable masterpieces such as The Lord of the Rings: Return of The King,
Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines, and Lost in Translation, it
was not a very good year for movies, overall. I was very much looking forward
to 2004, hoping that it would be a huge improvement for the cinema. Sadly, I
was quite disappointed by it. 2004 has been one of the worst years for movies
in recent memory. In fact, there were hardly any moderately enjoyable movies
worth paying $7.50 to see released in it, let alone great films. With so many
sequels, prequels, remakes, and adaptations in 2003, it seemed that Hollywood
was simply running out of good ideas for movies. I now believe this more than
ever. Based on what I have seen in 2004, I feel that great movies will become
scarcer and scarcer as the years move on. Now, more than ever, we should
probably just be grateful for the few truly great movies we have left to enjoy,
and prepare to find another source of entertainment, outside of film. After
all, who knows how long it could be before something better than The Grudge
will pass as a decent horror flick? Go Directly to the Top
10 ->.
The Worst:
10. Fahrenheit 9/11—Michael
Moore seems obsessed and desperate to stop George W. Bush, at all costs.
Fahrenheit 9/11 certainly was not a boring movie, but it seemed painfully
obvious that many of Moore’s main points were often greatly exaggerated or just
purely made up. I did learn a few shocking things about our commander-in-chief
that seem entirely plausible, but that, by itself, does not make a good movie.
Moore tries using arguments such as the fact that many soldiers are dying in the
war in Iraq, in order to prove his point that Bush is a horrible person and we
should not be in Iraq. However,
Moore
does not seem to realize that, in war, there will always be deaths and that
probably every American is already aware of the fact that there have been some
casualties, in this war. Such arguments do nothing to further his case. As far
as Moore’s
documentaries go, stick with Bowling for Columbine.
9. Van Helsing—While
there were a lot of things I didn’t like too much about this movie, I’d have to
say the worst thing about it was the horribly annoying Transylvanian accent most
characters spoke in. It seriously made the entire movie almost impossible to
enjoy. Don’t get me wrong, though—besides that, there were a lot of things
wrong with this movie. Though this may not seem like a big deal to others, I
was very mad at the fact that Van Helsing strayed from traditional
vampire/werewolf legend. And while some of the fight scenes between Van Helsing
and the monsters were enjoyable, they were, overall, greatly lacking and
boring. The idea of combining Dracula, Frankenstein, and the Wolfman was
interesting and original, but it was very poorly done in this instance.
8. Hellboy—Hellboy
isn’t really all that bad, but it sure as hell isn’t all that entertaining.
Until I saw this movie, I had never heard of the Hellboy comic books, and I
suppose that, if I was a little more familiar with them, it would have been a
lot less confusing and maybe a little more fun. But, putting the confusing plot
aside, Hellboy himself is really not much of an entertaining hero. He’s always
acting bitter and annoyed, which really didn’t make me want to watch him fight
off the evil Nazi monsters. Not to mention, they were not scary at all. At the
end of the movie, I had gained nothing of value from the experience and felt as
though I had just wasted almost two hours of my life.
7. The Grudge—I’ll
admit that there were a few moments in this movie that were a little disturbing,
but, in the end, I was simply left questioning how exactly the plot was supposed
to make sense or why the little meowing boy featured in it was supposed to be
scary. According to this movie, anytime someone dies in a moment of extreme
rage, a curse is born. This curse never forgets you if you cross its borders and
it will hunt you down to kill you if you do. What the writers don’t seem to
realize is that the world has approximately 6.8 billion people living in it, and
I’m sure that more than a few of them that have died were extremely pissed off.
Over time, this would amount to potentially millions of cursed ghosts wandering
around ripping off people’s jaws. Yet, for some reason, The Grudge seems
to ignore every other person that has ever died in a terrible rage and focus
solely on one Japanese girl and her son, who is, apparently, also a cat. What
was up with him, anyway?
6. Chasing
Liberty—Chasing
Liberty and First Daughter, my pick for the third-worst movie of
2004, have almost the exact same plot, except this movie is slightly better.
The reason: we get to replace the laughable Katie Holmes with the somewhat more
charismatic and enjoyable Mandy Moore. However, I am certain that only immature
little girls will fall for any other of this movie’s more horrid aspects.
5. What the Bleep Do
We Know? —There isn’t one thing that makes What the Bleep Do We Know?
a bad movie. The premise is interesting and original enough. The problem lies
in many different things. For one, I cannot even begin to tell you how many
times this film contradicts itself. It also makes amazingly unrealistic
claims. The “scientists” in it try to tell us that simply having a positive
attitude towards life could solve all of the world’s problems (we’re talking
famine, diseases, and unemployment, here). I thought that this was insulting to
those who actually suffer from such situations. Secondly, this movie tries to
prove its theories with preposterous examples. The quantum physicists featured
mention nothing of experimentation; all of the material which they discuss could
be entirely inaccurate. All in all, What the Bleep Do We Know tries to
be smart and is fails miserably.
4. Anacondas: The Hunt
for Blood Orchid—I never saw the original Anaconda film, which
spawned this wretched sequel, and I can sleep happy knowing that I will never
have to. I suppose it is possible that the sequel is, perhaps, simply much
worse than the original, but I highly doubt that the original is any more than
slightly better, at best. I don’t even know where to begin when discussing the
movie’s problems. Let’s try acting, first. Oh wait, were the “actors” really
even trying to act? Never mind. Not even the computer-generated giant snakes’
desires of gulping the characters down could make me feel anything for them,
other than pity. This movie is not scary, suspenseful, interesting, or at all
worth watching.
3. First Daughter—Katie
Holmes is a joke, and not a very funny one, at that. In fact, this movie is
almost entirely the same as 2004’s other president’s-daughter-offering,
Chasing Liberty, which was slightly better. College students everywhere
should be offended when watching the obnoxious antics of the characters their
age in First Daughter. They claim to be mature adults, but act almost
like Jr. High School students. Perhaps the director, Forrest Whittaker,
intended for viewers to find the characters as symbols of the stress in the
White House. If so, he made a horrendous mistake, which made the film’s clichéd
and stupid plot even worse than it already was to begin with.
2. You Got Served—Oh
man, did this movie suck or what? I suppose maybe, just maybe, if I listened to
hip-hop music, there might’ve been a chance of me finding it to be
entertaining. But, seeing as how I find the genre to be about as entertaining
as a dead ferret, I was extremely irritated by this movie. The plot is stupid,
the characters are obnoxious, and every scene either bores the audience to death
or insults their intelligence. You could not pay me enough to watch You Got
Served again.
1. Super Babies: Baby
Geniuses 2—People who know me know that if there’s one thing I hate,
it’s children. When viewing the pile of trash that is Baby Geniuses 2, I
tried to not allow any of my prejudices against kids to affect my judgment of
its quality. However, I simply cannot accept the idea of four super-human
toddlers beating up a very large team of professionally-trained adult soldiers.
If that doesn’t sound demeaning enough already, let’s keep in mind that the
babies’ super-human names include “Bounce Baby” and “Cupid Girl”. It doesn’t
take a baby genius to see the incredible stupidity behind this movie.
Dishonorable Mentions:
Miracle, Paycheck, The Punisher, Resident Evil: Apocalypse, The Spongebob
Squarepants Movie, Starsky & Hutch
The
Best:
10. Napoleon Dynamite—The
first time I saw this movie, I had no idea what to expect. Its style was
certainly far different than anything else I had ever seen before and I was
confused as to whether to laugh at the main character or to just feel sorry for
him. But, by the end, I was cracking up and had thoroughly enjoyed myself.
Napoleon Dynamite is one of the most unique comedies I have seen in a very
long time, even if I wouldn’t go as far as to say that it’s one of the greatest
of all-time, like so many of my high-school peers have.
9. Spider-Man 2—While
the original Spider-Man was a fun superhero movie, the sequel is superior
in almost every way. For one thing, the villain is much scarier and more
interesting than “The Green Goblin” was, in the first movie. Toby Maguire’s
acting was also far better than it was, before. He was actually believable as a
geeky college student with super-human powers. With much more action,
excitement, and a better plot and characters than the first, Spider-Man 2
could possibly be the best superhero movie I’ve ever seen (although that’s not
really much of an accomplishment when you think about it).
8. Freeze Frame—If
there were a category for Best Depiction of a Clinically Insane and Delusional
Character in a Movie at the Academy Awards, Lee Evans would take home the
Oscar. His work in this movie is disturbingly wonderful. He plays a
paranoia-filled man who resorts to videotaping every moment of his life, out of
fear of being wrongly accused for a crime. But, when the police suspect him of
a young girl’s murder, the one tape that can prove his innocence is missing and
he must prove that he has been framed. As if the plotline, alone, wasn’t enough
to make me shudder in excitement, there isn’t a single actor in this movie that
doesn’t deliver a great performance. This is truly a unique and wonderful
movie.
7. The Village—When
The Village was first released, it received some very bad reviews from
many critics. I feel that the only reason this occurred was because it was
marketed entirely wrong. The previews for it made it out to be look like a
disturbing horror film about huge beasts that terrorize a small village. But in
reality, the plot is much different and much more complex than that. This movie
is far more intelligent than it is scary, although it does have its suspenseful
and frightful moments. Those who have seen The Village know that the
monsters that terrorize the village are, in reality, a very small portion of the
genius behind the plot of this awesome flick.
6. The Terminal—Tom
Hanks is one of my favorite male actors, and this was true long before The
Terminal was released. There is no real way to describe this movie
fittingly, although warm-hearted, comical, and refreshing are great terms to
start with. Even though it does run a bit long (over two hours), I was so
enthralled in the main character’s adventures, I found myself enjoying every
minute of it. This movie has everything one would expect from the great Hanks
and Spielberg.
5. Kill Bill: Volume 2—After
seeing Volume 1, I expected great things from Kill Bill: Volume 2,
but I was doubtful that it would surpass the awesomeness-level of the first.
But, I must say that, as great as Volume 1 was, Volume 2 takes the
cake for greatness. Although not quite as action packed as the first, it
certainly gives us plenty of gory-thrills and leaves us in suspense, as we
wonder how the hell Uma Thurman’s The Bride will make her way out of various
hopeless situations. The audience actually feels connected to the main
character and wants her to succeed, even if her intentions are morally wrong.
4. Secret Window—Johnny
Depp has recently become one of my favorite male actors and this movie is one
example of why. Secret Window has the perfect formula to keep the
audience in suspense up until its shocking ending. The ending, itself, is
probably my favorite part of the film, because it caught me completely
off-guard. It takes skill to make this kind of movie and pull it off so well,
but Depp could not have been better, and the talent behind the camera is
terrific, too.
3. The Ladykillers—Watching
this movie is like watching Ocean’s Eleven while under the influence of
Marijuana. Thankfully though, we don’t need drugs to find ourselves bursting
out in laughter while viewing The Ladykillers. The comedic writing is
unlike anything I have ever seen before and the plot is immensely intriguing.
Tom Hanks is probably the only person in the world who could have played the
lead role and he does a fabulous job with it. I can only imagine how hilarious
this movie would’ve been had I actually smoked Marijuana before watching it.
2. Eternal Sunshine of
the Spotless Mind—I have been a fan of memory-loss themed movies ever
since I fell in love with 2001’s Memento, and the idea of voluntary
memory loss was an interesting new concept for me to absorb. We’ve all been
through times at which we wish we could forget a previous relationship, and this
movie shows us the dangers of being able to. The genius plotline, by itself, is
more than enough to make this film the most unique and interesting movie of the
year. It is a work of art; watching it can only be described as beautiful.
1. The Passion of the
Christ —It is possible that the reason I liked this movie so much is
simply because I follow the Christian faith, but I don’t think that anyone
anyone, religious or not, can deny the amazing power and emotion packed into
this movie. The Passion of the Christ displays the most graphic and
historically-accurate depiction of Jesus’ final hours ever shown on film, and I
don’t think it will ever be outdone in such an area. Mel Gibson has done an
amazing job of showing viewers the torment that the most influential man in
history had to undergo, leaving them in awe throughout the duration of the
movie. Bravo.
Honorable Mentions:
The Girl Next Door,
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, The Notebook, Ray, Saved!
Published on: 2.13.2005
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