I saw Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem on the day after
Christmas, for no other reason than that I felt that it was my
critical duty to review it. As far as I was concerned, this
installment in the newly-formed series would be, like its
predecessor, a mega-success that any reliable journalist would
want to cover. But then the unthinkable happened. After a decent
opening gross on Christmas Day, the film’s box-office numbers
tanked dramatically. I refrained from reviewing it for the
remainder of the week, just to see what would happen. After ten
days in theatres, Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem can
officially be considered a dud, with only $32 million of box
office in the till and little to come. (The budget, by
comparison, was probably around $75 million.) Take that
20th Century Fox! The American Public has dutifully
proven to you that, if offered a crapfest that merely cashes-in
on the name of a popular franchise (or, in this case, two of
them), it will reject said crapfest! I have chosen to review
Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem now, only to reinforce the
common consensus that it is, without question, a godawful motion
picture.
Much as I disliked Paul W.S.
Anderson’s Alien vs. Predator, I must admit that its
Antarctic setting and attractive lead actress, Sanaa Lathan, at
least made for a good first act. (Once the action took off and
the aliens and predators became involved in the story, however,
things quickly fell downhill regardless.) This second film in
the franchise is directed by the Strause Brothers (who, despite
the cocky title, have only previously worked on visual effects
teams and never directed anything of substance themselves) and
is even worse than its predecessor. The drop in quality isn’t so
much related to the action that dominates the film’s
second-half, but the fact it is impossible to sympathize for any
of the characters. Why should I care about these people getting
torn to shreds by aliens and predators if I don’t even like
them, even in a trivial sense? Before the title villains show
up, the movie is a complete high-school soap-opera, with ex-con
Dallas (Steven Pasquale) coming to terms with his bullied young
brother Ricky (Johnny Lewis). The set-up feels all too much like
the result of incompetent screenwriter Shane Salerno duplicating
the plot of an episode of “Saved By the Bell” and attempting to
make it dramatic.
Sooner than later, of course, the
aliens and the predators show up, in what the first film
informed us was a centuries-long struggle between the two
extraterrestrial races. What’s peculiar about this is that the
two species of villains never really seem to be fighting each
other in this movie. All of their violent behavior is directed
at the human characters that live the Colorado town where they
have chosen to fight. (For this reason, I suggest that, if a
third film in the series somehow gets made, it is provided the
much more accurate title Aliens and Predators vs. Humans.)
Then again, perhaps I missed the point of the exercise somewhere
in all of the incomprehensibly-staged action-sequences, which
make it nearly-impossible for the viewer to figure out what’s
going on. To their credit, the Strause Brothers make some
improvements on the in-your-face-‘til-you-can’t-take-it-anymore
approach to fight-scenes utilized by Anderson’s first film, but
not enough to make a marked difference. If either group of
villains reigned victorious at some point in Aliens vs.
Predator: Requiem, then my shaken-sensibilities must’ve
missed it.
But, again, Aliens vs. Predator:
Requiem represents more of a reason to be hopeful than it
does a reason to fret. Unless the movie finds an unexpectedly
gigantic audience in foreign markets, there won’t be another
installment in the franchise released in theatres. (A
straight-to-DVD sequel, however, seems unfortunately
inevitable.) Hopefully, this failure will work to set a tone in
Hollywood that is less accepting of name-recognition-based
cash-ins like this one. Maybe even the Halloween series
will soon see the End of the Road? Well, perhaps I shouldn’t get
too far ahead of myself…
-Danny Baldwin, Bucket Reviews
Review Published on: 1.4.2008
Screened on: 12.26.2007 at the Regal Escondido 16 in
Escondido, CA.