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Federal Protection /

Rated: R

Starring: Armand Assante, Angela Featherstone, Dina Meyer, David Lipper, Tony Calabretta
Directed by: Anthony Hickox
Written by: Craig Smith
Released Direct to Video


Movie Image

     When I see a movie like this I always ask myself: "What was the point?" The truth is there wasn't one whatsoever. This film was just a big blur of information about the mob and the mafia, with no real plot. I found myself looking at my watch after each and every minute of this abominable creation, waiting for it to end. I can still admire a film with makers who try, but come out short, but I can't do that here. This movie was more worse than the years worst; it was like living in hell ahead of time.

     Once upon a time in a land where everyone is horrified of the mob, things are totally screwed up. There are bad relationships where sisters even swap off husbands. But they all have one thing in common, everyone just wants undivided sex. Come on! It's like watching a R-Rated fairy-tale. Federal Protection was so bad I would've killed myself if I known it would've been comparable to a nuclear bomb hitting the world and killing everyone!

     Just to give you an idea how bad this movie was, if someone paid me one-million dollars I wouldn't suffer its horrible hour-and-thirty-four-minute exercise in torture again. I know, you get it, it's getting to the point now that I'd rather watch Jello all day (I probably would). I don't think I've seen one film as bad as this in my lifetime. I bet one question poses in your mind right now: were there any good qualities in the movie? The answer is no. But, there was one small thing I did like in Federal Protection, and that was be the music. It set the whole mood for this disastrous disgrace to filmmaking perfectly, I never knew they could pick such talentless artists for a soundtrack. Filmmakers: you out did yourselves this time!

      I could go on all day comparing this movie to the Nazi's and other things, but I think you get the picture; never in your life will you need to see Federal Protection. It was just a stupid excuse for a film about sluts trying to trick their lawyers and vice versa. Federal Protection is a tacky, cheap, predictable, undeserving, stupid film that should be banned from the earth because it is so bad. Promise me that you will never see it in your life!


-Danny, Bucket Reviews


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