Technically, there are two genres in which one
could classify The Grudge. The distributor would
like theatre-patrons to think that it is both horror
film and a remake, and I suppose they’re right, using
the by-the-numbers definitions to prove their
identifications of it. In truth, however, it is most
correctly dubbed “a movie about nothing.” The score
reaches its crescendo a lot, the camera swoops and
wiggles even more, and occasionally a little boy who
turns into a bizarre looking cat comes out to play. But,
even with these indications that the plot will begin to
move somewhere at some point during the film’s duration,
it never does. As the credits rolled at my screening, I
was tempted to ask the manager if one of his employees
had mistakenly put the outtakes-reel into the projector.
Did Columbia Pictures really have the guts to release
something of such a nature? You ‘betcha; it’s all in the
art of solid cash flow.
I’m sitting here, a little
over a week after seeing the film on opening day, and
I’m still trying to make sense of it. I’ve paged through
positive reviews of The Grudge over the past
eight days, and tried to find out why it is scary. A few
critics are very detailed about the scenes that they
were “horrified” by, but none have explained why,
exactly, they were so shocked. I just don’t understand.
I’m sorry. The day that Osama bin Laden releases a new
set of threatening tapes, people are still being scared
by a little cat-boy? I’m also pretty sure that more
chills came out of seeing Halle Berry as the female
version of such, for me.
Sarah Michelle Gellar leads
the cast as Karen, a part-time caretaker for the
elderly. She is assigned, one day, to look after the
always-asleep Emma (Grace Zabriskie), when her usual
nurse, Yoko (Yoko Maki), does not show up for work.
Little does Karen know, Yoko was slain in the attic
by…something…on the previous day. Scary? Don’t think so?
Oh well. Little does Karen know, that…something…might
come after her. Scary? Don’t think so? Oh well. Little
does Karen know, there was a violent past occurrence in
the house which made that…something…come alive. Scary?
Don’t think so? Oh well. Little does Karen know, her
boyfriend might fall into the trap of
that…something…later on in the movie. Scary? Don’t think
so? Oh well.
Since The Grudge is not
scary, it turns out to be boring. And very, very boring,
at that. Takashi Shimizu, who directed the original
Japanese film Ju-On, was hired to head this
remake. That marked “Bad Move #1” by Columbia, in the
handling of this film. (No, I will not go down this
list; it’s far too long for me to waste my time.)
Shimuzu has a set of skills which often works in
Japanese horror. He is clearly fond of long, extended
takes with a few quick jolts in them. These function in
the confines of nativity rather well, but when
Americanizing them, the result proves to be downright
silly. Not only does the style of The Grudge,
itself, lack the energy needed for it to qualify as a
campy delight, but all of the actors desperately
underplay their characters. Gellar, as likeable as she
is, looks like she’s still adjusting her sleeping
patters to the Japanese time-zone, half of the time. No
real hysterics and no real fright are to be found in her
performance; they are lost in a sea of endless
blandness.
Capitalizing on the success of
The Ring, another remake of a Japanese horror
film, was a terrific idea, but who would of thought that
such could ever be so dull? The Grudge makes for
one hell of a snoozefest, but not much else. One thing’s
for sure: I’d certainly rather be sitting around and
handing out candy to trick-or-treaters on Halloween than
watching this pillowcase-reject again.
-Danny, Bucket Reviews (11.10.2004)