Reviews
for the Week of 11/2:
[Insert
Drum-Roll Here.]
My fellow moviegoers:
My name is Danny
Baldwin and I am on a mission to burn Mr. David Zucker at the stake. Not
once, but twice, this year has this evil monster created two dismally
painful pieces of crap, just to torture us. He has brutally beaten our
backs and slapped our faces, vomited on our pants and smacked our asses.
He is a failure; a filmmaker that is employed by production companies
only because of the goodness he brought us all through a little movie
called Airplane!. But one great film isn’t enough to make up for
all the train-wrecks that desensitized us, later in time. Scary Movie
3 has provoked me to lead a movement for change. It is a disgrace to
everyone on the planet, with a single cell in their brain. Die Mr.
Zucker, die.
Now you’ve probably
seen the trailer for Scary Movie 3 by now, and yes, it is quite
good. I was sure that this flick would be funny and interesting after
viewing the promotional clips and such. I laughed endlessly at these
advertisements. Sadly, all of the laughs that they contain are
despicable and tasteless, when put into the context of this movie. I
laughed only twice when experiencing this third installment in the
Scary Movie series; it is a collage of missed opportunities and
disgusting humor.
There were three things
which made the first two installments in this franchise good. Sure, the
tremendous Anna Faris is still around and better than ever, but her work
cannot save the nightmarish script or ugly technicalities. What’s even
more disappointing is that this movie is PG-13, so all of the raunchy
laughs that made the Scary Movie and its first sequel are absent.
And the ingenious Wayan’s brothers, who molded the first two movies,
decided to pass on this one, which was very smart on their parts,
indeed.
The
majority of the members of the cast of Scary Movie 3 have
obviously not studied the characters that they're mocking in this movie.
Each "actor" simply walks through the script, and doesn't take the time
to mimic the mannerisms, speech, and actions of the their subject. I'm
incredibly sorry to say that, next to Faris, Pamela Anderson and Jenny
McCarthy give the best performances of the entire film.
Make an effort to avoid
this film and join me in my battle against Mr. Zucker. Together, we will
be able to take a stand, and stop him from making any more terrible
films of this nature. A Scary Movie 4 will be coming next year,
let’s just hope that there won’t be a fifth.
Thank you. That is all.
[Insert Applause Here.]
Could it? Would it?
Should it? Yes, it’s true—I like a Joel Schumacher/Jerry Bruckheimer
creation. Alert the press! After literally dozens of movies, the dreaded
collaboration has finally made a good movie, and a very welcome one, I
might add.
The result of such is
more shocking than joyous. This film tells a rather fictitious version of
the life-story of Veronica Guerin, but regardless of how accurate it
really is, it is still quite powerful. Guerin, who is played by a
brilliant Cate Blanchett, was a brave and fearless Irish journalist, often
too much so for her own good. She would travel into the drug underworld,
and interview vicious criminals and their relations, often putting herself
and her family in danger, because of it. Guerin’s work still greatly
influences the Irish political system today, several years after her
death.
One of the aspects of
Schumacher’s work that I admire the most is his moderate use of onscreen
violence. When films like this are overwhelmingly gritty (as this year’s
Narc was), the audience becomes desensitized, ultimately leaving
them emotionally detached from the characters. Veronica Guerin
never overplays anything, either. Given the material, it’s always somewhat
subtle in its execution, which allows the story to move along quite
nicely.
The one thing that
Veronica Guerin is in desperate need of is triumph. While Schumacher
succeeds most of the time, he clearly has no sense of the way in which he
would like viewers to feel about his movie. However, the tremendous acting
and proficient script make up for this, nonetheless.
Veronica Guerin
isn’t a masterpiece, but it’s certainly a passable motion picture with
several redeeming qualities. Mr. Schumacher has accomplished something
wonderful, even though he’s not responsible for most of its success. This
one is certainly worth the price of a ticket, though; it will not
disappoint.
The School of Rock
succeeds doing in what it attempts to do, which is exactly why it deserves
a solid recommendation. Originally, I made the decision to rate it two and
a half buckets. But after viewing the disasters that were Scary Movie 3
and Daddy Day Care this week, I’ve gained an excessive amount of
respect for it. This is one of the best feel-good, warm-hearted comedies
of the entire year; it’s sad that I did not realize this in the first
place.
The School of Rock
simply works. This success is predominately because of lead actor Jack
Black, who is the only man on the planet who could’ve played this role.
His character is named Dewey Finn, a guy who has just been kicked out of a
rock band, and is desperate to make as much money as he can, so he can pay
off numerous rent debts to his longtime friend, Ned. Being the clown that
he is, he takes a long-term substitute teaching job, pretending to be Ned,
who actually has the proper credentials to do so. Dewey proceeds to go to
work, and finds himself in control of a bunch of kids with snobby rich
parents at a prestigious private school. Since he doesn’t know anything
about teaching, he originally just lets the kids have recess all day. But
when he hears them playing classical songs with their music instructor, a
great opportunity arises. Dewey will form a band with these kids, in hopes
of winning a “Battle of the Bands” competition. He will teach them about
the history of rock music, they will listen to it, and most importantly,
everyone will practice for the competition. Black is expressive and very
funny. He does everything right and delivers the best comedic performance
of the year.
Joan Cusack is also very
good as the principal of the school, as is director Richard Linklater,
behind the camera. Even though writer Mike White’s screenplay is flawed,
to a certain extend, these two, along with Black, make up for any errors
that this movie may contain.
I can’t wait to see
The School of Rock again; it’s far more funny and original than most
of the excruciatingly painful creations called “comedies” that are being
released these days. While I was hesitant to like it at first, I now
respect it greatly. Take the whole family and have a blast; this flick is
well worth the price of a ticket.
A Man Apart feels like it’s an exercise in sheer
randomness. There are more unnecessary characters here than there are in
Jackass: the Movie. Most of them are undeveloped, too; we’re not
even attached to our protagonist. His name is Sean Vetter, and is played
by a horribly miscast Vin Diesel. At the beginning of this movie, Sean
busts an infamous Mexico/United States drug exporter, who he has been
chasing for seven years. When he arrests him, and is ready to deport him
to the United States, the man, named Meno Lucero (Geno Silva), swears
revenge. Meno has a double-life jail-term to serve, but this doesn’t mean
that he can’t still have his payback. Days later, a man shoots Sean’s wife
Stacy (Jacqueline Obradors) late at night, killing her. All signs point to
Meno, but after talking with him a few times, Sean has a reasonable doubt
that he had someone do it. Sean now points his attention towards the man
who has taken over Meno’s drug empire, who is only referred to as “el
Diablo.” Thus, a question arises: who is el Diablo?
There is talent here, but
after watching the first ten minutes of A Man Apart, it’s easy to
sense that it’s gone to waste. Director F. Gary Gray desperately needs to
find some better material to work on. His work here is a nightmarish mess
of vomit; there’s no creativity, no emotion. Diesel is not a great actor,
folks. He’s good at looking pretty for teenage girls in action movies, as
seen in xXx. A Man Apart contains hardly any action, though.
Diesel is laughably bad in this movie and has no charisma, whatsoever.
There’s actual acting involved; he doesn’t do acting. If you chuckle
through it, A Man Apart may be tremendous entertainment, but if
you’d like more than a slice of American cheese, you’ll find yourself
chuckling your way out the door.
There are much better
action flicks available on the shelves of your rental store, at this time.
I’d definitely take Gray’s other film, The Italian Job, over this
one. That movie had four things that this one doesn’t: good direction,
good acting, good characters, and a good story. This one has no
understanding of what it wants to be, and never will. If you must, watch
it on cable. For now, don’t even think about plopping it into your DVD
player.
A Review By Contributor Daniel
Leonhard:
As far as cheesy horror
flicks go, Jeepers Creepers 2 isn’t bad. Although I have not seen
its predecessor and have only heard bad things about it, I must say this
sequel will most definitely satisfy the average moviegoer. The plot is
simple enough: every twenty-third spring for twenty-three days, the
creeper, a grotesque bat-like demon, is set loose to feed on whatever
victims it chooses. The creeper is incredibly smart, strong, and
invulnerable to any types of physical harm, as it is able to replace any
lost limbs by taking them from its victims. The creeper’s body is built
much like that of a human, but with sharp claws and teeth and gigantic
powerful wings. When a school bus becomes stranded on the twenty-third and
final day of the creeper’s killing spree, the students inside must survive
the night while the hideous creature attempts to hunt them. Despite its
undeniable faults, this is one film that has just enough thrills, chills,
and kills to keep us entertained and waiting to see just what happens
next. There is no doubt in my mind that this will make one hell of a
Saturday night rental.
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