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2003: The Year in Film

By: Daniel Leonhard

     Overall, 2003 has been a very unoriginal year for movies; I’m glad it has finally come to a close.  Over the past twelve months, we have been bombarded with dozens of sequels, prequels, adaptations, and remakes.  This is not necessarily a bad thing; after all, five of my top ten movies fit into this category.  However, the large majority of these films were incredibly stupid and bland.  On the plus side, we were finally shown some (very) long awaited and well-made movies such as the sequels to The Matrix, Terminator, Lord of the Rings, and Charlie’s Angels.  On the other hand, there were hardly any really great movies.  Most ranged from mediocre to poor, and there was quite an abundance of total pieces of crap.  After reading most of the movies listed here, you will probably be able to conclude that I am somewhat of an action buff, but still enjoy the occasional artful and intelligent movie, such as Lost in Translation or Big Fish.  While I can’t say I’ve seen quite as many movies as Danny has this previous year, I consider myself more of a moviegoer than the average person, and have seen many dozen pieces of cinematic art over the last 365 days.  Here are my picks for the best and worst pictures of 2003. Go Directly to the Top 10 ->.

The Worst

10. National Security—I think Danny said it best in his review for National Security when he wrote, “I wish that Hollywood would just stop making buddy-cop movies.”  I don’t think I have ever enjoyed a buddy cop movie more than enough to chuckle slightly at a few jokes.  But with the obnoxious Martin Lawrence cast in the lead role, the very few humorous moments in the script were left hidden behind his ability to make me want to punch him in the face repeatedly, whenever he’s onscreen.  National Security is probably not the worst buddy-cop movie I’ve ever seen, but it’s certainly incredibly annoying and stupid, and is not worth your time.

9. View From The Top—I feel sorry for all the talented and funny actors in this movie that were so desperate for work that they had to reach this low to grab a role.  Even the hilarious Mike Myers was barely able to get a laugh out of me, as a result of his unfunny character.  Although I can’t complain too much about this, the movie delivers what it promises: a juvenile teenage movie about one girl’s pathetic dreams of becoming a flight attendant. Go figure.

8. Bulletproof Monk—Another stupid teenager flick from the works of Sean William Scott.  It’s pretty sad that the best movie he’s ever been in is American Pie.  The main problem with Bulletproof Monk is its constant attempts to be something more than it should be.  In an ideal world, it would be the amazing philosophical and Kung-Fu action movie it so desperately tried to be.  But here in reality, we are stuck with an illogical maze of magical scrolls and imaginary monks with super-powers.  I’m not saying this movie is completely devoid of an entertainment value, but it’s really not enough to even bother talking about.

7. Daredevil—This is a movie that makes absolutely no sense.  A boy loses his sight after having toxic material splashed into his eyes but gains some kind of “radar sense”.  Then after his mobster father dies, he decides to become a crime fighting super hero.  I was okay with the plot, up until this point.  Suddenly it’s twenty years later and this boy has somehow acquired a secret fortress with dozens of high tech gadgets and weapons. There is, of course, no explanation as to how he can afford any of this expensive equipment with his job as an unsuccessful, blind lawyer.  There are so many plot holes and inconsistencies in this movie that I found it nearly impossible to enjoy. Even the few pleasing fight scenes were touch to sit through.  For example: how is it that Daredevil can jump across buildings and do triple back flips?  Last time I checked, losing your sight never resulted in extra strong legs.  Even for a comic book adaptation, this movie is so cheesy and stupid that it is nearly impossible to enjoy.  It’s easily the worst superhero movie I’ve ever seen.

6. A Guy Thing—Stupid, boring, clichéd, immature, and insulting to my intelligence are all great terms to describe this run-of-the-mill romantic-comedy-gone-wrong.  If watching Julia Stiles and Jason Lee run around acting like dorky teenagers and making corny jokes is your idea of entertainment, then it’s just right for you.  For me and the other sane members of society, this film will have only one useful purpose: a warning-sign for those in the movie business of what not to do with your career.

5. Gigli—Man! Ben Affleck has really been slipping lately.  He was never a great actor to begin with, but based on his latest two works, Gigli and Daredevil, I’d be surprised if he ever makes a truly good movie again.  Along with co-star Jennifer Lopez, he manages to take our mind on an overly long (2+ hour!) ride through a cinematic manure field.  Gigli has its moments, but in the end, I find it very hard to even take seriously, simply because of Affleck and Lopez’s performances alone.  Not to mention the horrible script and plot.

4. Agent Cody Banks—The idea of child secret agents has been acted upon over and over again. The movies, based off of this idea fall into one of two categories. (1) A spunky, fun, and creative picture for kids to enjoy. (2) A rehashed, disgusting, and poorly acted rotten concoction.  Agent Cody Banks is the latter.  Watching it is like witnessing the Spy Kids, minus the cool gadgets and interesting premise.  And with two of my least favorite teenage actors (Frankie Muniz and Hillary Duff), I was even more repulsed by it.  Agent Cody Banks 2 will be coming to theaters this March, and I highly doubt it will be any better than this first installment, especially due to the presence of the loathsome Anthony Anderson.

3. Legally Blonde 2: Red, White, and Blonde—Awful…Just plain awful.  With a moderately enjoyable original, I was expecting Legally Blonde 2 to at least be tolerable, if not better than its predecessor.  But whatever intelligence was featured in Legally Blonde is nowhere to be found here.  The idea alone is enough to make me want to smack the entire cast and crew of the movie across their faces.  Trashy pieces of crap like this one will, most likely, never stop being released in multiplexes, but hopefully directors will learn something from the train wreck that is this movie.

2. Grind—I have never been a skater, and thanks to this movie, I never plan on becoming one.  There is absolutely no reason why anyone, skater or not, would want to watch this annoying disaster.  The characters are so obnoxious and irritating, I actually wanted to see them fall on their faces, when performing the dangerous stunt that was watching their stunt doubles.  An abundance of characters you love to hate, combined with a sorry excuse for a storyline makes Grind easily one of the most unbearable experiences of the year. 

1. Kangaroo Jack—You know, I really do hate Anthony Anderson.  Every film he has ever been in has been awful, and Kangaroo Jack is the worst of them all.  In fact, I can honestly say I hate every actor that was a part of this poor excuse for a movie (except for Christopher Walken), and highly doubt that any of them will ever produce a quality performance.  This movie is crude, violent, perverted, and not in the least bit enjoyable for kids or adults.  Although, what else would you expect from a producer like Jerry Bruckheimer?

Dishonorable Mentions: Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd, Darkness Falls, Biker Boyz, Just Married, Bruce Almighty, LXG: The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen.

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Notable Crap I Missed: From Justin to Kelly, The Matrix Revolutions, The Cat in the Hat, My Boss’s Daughter, House of the Dead, Timeline, The Haunted Mansion.

The Best

10. 28 Days Later—What makes 28 Days Later so much better than your average zombie horror movie?  The answer is surprisingly simple.  Director Danny Boyle has a very unique vision of an apocalyptic world overrun by crazed people and animals infected with a highly contagious disease that has spread across the entire earth.  And because the movie is shot on digital video, we really get a sense of just how alone and desperate the few survivors are.  Horror movies with such style are very rare these days and this may be the last one we see for a while.

9. May—This movie is the story of a girl with many psychological and emotional problems who seeks only to be accepted and loved by others.  But when she is rejected, the heads start rolling.  Literally.  Sure it seems like your ordinary slasher horror flick, but underneath all the bloodshed and death, there is a great deal of thought and intelligence that cannot be ignored.  We really get to connect with the title character, May, as we see an extensive background of her life and become to realize why she is the way she is—something most movies do not take the time to do.

8. Thirteen—There are only two words that can really define Thirteen: disturbing and realistic.  So much, in fact, that could almost be called a documentary on the life of a teenage girl.  The entire film is shot in a way that allows the viewer to experience the feelings and pain of the main character as she enters the most difficult and influential period of her life.  I applaud the entire cast and crew for creating such a believable and worthwhile piece of art.

7. Dreamcatcher—Like number five on my list, I can understand why many critics did not like Dreamcatcher, and even called it one of the worst movies of the year.  But, after watching this film numerous times I still hold on to my belief that it has one of the most interesting and unique plots I’ve seen in a horror movie since 1998’s Phantoms.  Like all movies based on Stephen King novels, the plot is very mysterious and creepy, and even when the movie is over the audience is left with many questions, which linger on their minds. These will not be answered until after several days of analyzing them.  To me, that kind of talent is very impressive when put to film.

6. Big Fish—An amazing story of adventure and fantasy gives this movie a plot that leaves the audience intrigued and eager to know more about the characters throughout the entire duration.  Director Tim Burton has always been known for creating fantastic tales of magic and suspense, and Big Fish is certainly no exception.  I also have the strong feeling that if it had been directed by anyone else, it would not have been half as good, due to the uniqueness of Burton’s work.  In addition to our director, we also have a perfectly cast Ewan McGregor, who does an excellent job of portraying the young Edward Bloom.

5. The Matrix: Reloaded—When I saw the first Matrix film back in 1999, I knew I was watching one of the greatest action movies of my time.  Naturally, when I heard there was going to be a sequel, I was both excited and worried.  To be honest, from the beginning, it didn’t look half as good as the original (and many critics agree).  And although Reloaded does not quite match up to the phenomenon that was its predecessor, it is indeed a wonderful addition to The Matrix trilogy.

4. Finding Nemo—I am not usually a fan of children’s movies; in fact, more times than not, I abhor them.  But Finding Nemo is so uniquely fun and intelligent, it makes for an enjoyable time for all audiences, young or old.  The greatest of many strengths in this movie is probably the many lovable and humorous characters.  In fact, I don’t think there was a single fish that didn’t serve some purpose in making us feel better about ourselves, when viewing the picture.  This movie will surely go down in history with other Disney classics and be observed as one of the greatest children’s movies ever made.

3. Lost in Translation—I have a new respect for Bill Murray that I didn’t think I could ever gain after viewing his previous films.  Lost in Translation is more than a love story; it’s a study of life and happiness. So out-of-the-ordinary and refreshing, it is easily one of the best movies of the year for this reason alone.  In addition, it also contains some of the best performances of the past several years by Murray and Johansson. This is truly a film that everyone should see.

2. Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines—For as long as I can remember, Terminator 2: Judgment Day has been one of my favorite movies of all time.  Watching T3 was like being reunited with an old friend, after years of separation.  And despite the absence of James Cameron, Linda Hamilton, and Edward Furlong, this still remains the second most action packed and entertaining movie of the year.  Many viewers feel that T3 is lacking the amazing storytelling ability that its two predecessors had, but I choose to look at it as simply having a different style. It is a unique look at the battle between man and machine.  Although Rise of the Machines is probably the weakest film in the trilogy, it’s still an amazing chapter in the Terminator saga and I will be the first in line to see the fourth installment in the series, if and when it is ever made.

1. The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King—Wow. The mere fact that one film can keep me entertained for three-and-a-half hours is impressive enough to land it the number one slot on my year’s end list.  Throw in some amazing battle scenes and some of the greatest acting performances I’ve ever seen in my lifetime, and you’ve got yourself one hell of a movie.  Everything in this film is done so exceptionally well that it’s nearly impossible to find any flaws within it.  I don’t care if you’ve never even heard of The Lord of the Rings; go see this movie, it is truly awesome.  Perfect?  Only the individual viewer can really decide if a movie is this, but one thing’s for sure: Return of the King will come pretty damn close, in every viewer’s heart.

Honorable Mentions: Bend it like Beckham, Hulk, Levity, The Missing, No Good Deed, Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl, Radio, School of Rock.

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Notable Contenders I Missed: Kill Bill: Volume 1, The Magdalene Sisters, Mystic River, Peter Pan, Seabiscuit.